I understand the title makes it look like a narcissist is an unapologetic psycho. This makes you feel like living with a narcissistic husband is such a huge hurdle and an almost impossible task.
But then, narcissists aren’t monsters, they just feel a little too high of themselves. And an adage says that when a cat doesn’t fit into your box, you don’t squeeze it in. You build a bigger box.
How do you recognize a narcissist?
It is someone suffering from Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which as defined by Oxford, is a disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance. Common in men, it’s an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others’ feelings, an inability to handle any criticism and a sense of entitlement.
But how do you cope Living with a narcissistic husband? Well, I would never advice anyone to leave a narcissist. It is not just worth it. And according to Psych Central, sometimes leaving a narcissist is not an option. As they would put it, ‘a parent recognizes their adult child as narcissistic but desperately wants to maintain a basic relationship. A spouse is not inclined to leave their narcissistic partner for several reasons such as economic, commitment, or (dare I say) love. A child realizes their parent is a narcissist but is unwilling to cut them out of their life’
This article will focus on this. Not just focus,it will dish out incredible ways you can cope with living with a narcissistic husband.
how do you recognize a narcissistic husband?
Before we go deep into business, let me highlight few of the attitude a narcissist exhibits so you can easily spot one.
Selfishness: All decisions exclusively for him, and to no other person’s advantage. As long the situation looks beneficial to him, he doesn’t give a damn how detriment it is to you.
- Arrogance: Self-importance… but to a FAULT! You mostly find him brag about himself the whole time. If it’s not about him, then it’s not worth talking about.
- Superiority: He just doesn’t fit into the same ring with you or others. He is more important and whatever decisions you wish to make, he comes first.
- Entitlement: Even what is not rightfully is belongs to him. He doesn’t need a justified claim of ownership to exercise rights on things.
How to make living with a narcissistic husband work
- Study him: You can’t solve a problem you don’t understand, even in an open book examination. So it starts with recognizing him and acknowledging the fact that he is a narcissist. Then you have to go a little out of your zone to study him from a neutral ground. Try as much as possible to detach yourself from any emotional attachment during this period. Emotions cloud the senses of judgment. Doing this will help you narrow down at what you’re dealing with actually
- Dig it out: Well, he knows he is a narcissist himself, and to be frank, he would never expect you to remind him. But this is exactly what you will do. Why? Because you need to draw him out of his self-indulgence. Make him understand he’s being a narcissist when situation calls for it, and then, he will begin to see it as something not so pleasant.
- Understanding the abuse cycle: According to Psych Central, the narcissistic abuse cycle is unique and involves four phases:
- feeling threatened,
- abusing others,
- becoming the victim, and
- feeling empowered
When you understand this cycle, breaking it will become less difficult.
- Feed his ego: It’s like managing a condition, sometimes, you need to give it what it wants to avoid drama. So simple flattering comments like “Wow, nice shirt”, “You’re so brilliant” etc. will help you subside his narcissism to a greater extent.
- Limit your expectations: When it comes to empathy and care, a narcissistic cannot be there for you, even when he expects same from you. So when you need care in the real sense of it, get it elsewhere.
- No blame games: A narcissist will never apologize. And they may even exaggerate your wrong to minimize their own. So stay away from blame games. Don’t apologize just to keep the peace, admit your wrong and dish them theirs. Let things stand in right context.
- Don’t embarrass him: The worst time to deal with a narcissist the way he deserves it is when the world is looking. You embarrass a narcissist, you bring out the beast in him. Even when it’s not morally right, stand with him when people are staring. Good thing is, they appreciate loyalty.
- Find the silver linen: Like I said at the beginning of this article, living with a narccistic husband is not rocket science. And narcissist are not beasts. The personality disorder doesn’t make him a bad person, it only drives him away from accepting the reality, mostly about himself. Find the good in them and capitalize on it more.
It is highly recommended to have someone you run to when things go south: a sibling, relation, close friend, counselor etc. Most times, you will need some encouragements.